WAKEY! WAKEY! IT'S HOLIDAY TIME IN SPAIN

Another long Spanish holiday equals another few nights of sleep disturbance. Were there a noise abatement society in Spain it would be able to employ enough people to immediately half the Spanish unemployment rate. That is the highest in the EU. Spain also ranks very high when it comes to national holidays in the EU. So those who cannot find work are not working; while those do work, do so rarely. And people wonder why Spain is "economically challenged."

Last night the party started at 1am. Yes, that's right, it began at 1am. Not music you understand. Noise. Bang, bang, thud, thud stuff. The type usually played loudly by BMW drivers parading the streets with their car windows open and a fluffy dice hanging from their rear view mirror.

The celebrations ended (for the night you understand, not for the weekend) at dawn when a whole load of bangers were let off. Just in case anyone was silly enough to want to be asleep at 6am. What was i thinking off? Wanting a good night of sleep on a Saturday night/Sunday morning.

There used to be a lovely girl working in my local bank. Her name was Ana. Of course, the bank moved her on. They didn't want to set a precedent for any employee of theirs having good relations with the guiris. That would not do. It might lead to anarchy.

I digress.

Ana was pert. In the days when a man in his 50's could use the word pert without it having sexual connotations. Although, having said that, she had great tits and a bum to die for!

I digress.

I once asked Ana about the decibel level at times of holiday and fiesta.

"But Vernon", she said, "we are Spanish, we love noise. We live for noise. I am noisy."

I can well believe that Ana.

I guess that when it came to moving to Spain in 2004, this is where i went wrong. If i wanted to live somewhere peaceful, where eight hours sleep per night was possible all year long, i should have moved to a remote village in North Yorkshire, Norway or perhaps to the north pole.

Who, i wonder, is the person that is up and about in darkness, letting off bangers and non visual fireworks at 5 and 6am. Do they set the alarm clock to be up in time to make sure others are awoken without the need for aforementioned alarm clock? Do they stay up all day and night to perform this nonsensical act? Nobody sees the fireworks so what is the point of letting them off?

Spain has produced so much good music. It still does. So why don't they play that in the wee hours rather than so called 'fiesta de techno' trash?

Is the quality of a holiday or fiesta only judged by its decibel level and its ability to disturb those who are not interested in their non religious way of honouring yet another virgin or saint? December 8th is the time of the Imaculada Concepción. So why, if they insist on being awake all night, don't they go conceive? After all, the birth rate in Spain is at an all time low so maybe their time would be more productively spent fornicating rather than 'fireworking.'

If they are so religous (and fewer and fewer Spaniards are), then i suggest they go strutt their stuff at church. Perhaps the priest will allow them to play techno noise in the church? Perhaps not.

I don't walk into their churches in the middle of the service and play Rod Stewart singing 'Maggie May' or The Who blasting out 'My Generation.' So is it fair that they disturb my sleep during yet another prolonged holiday?

I live in the pretty Lecrín Valley. Therefore, i am considering setting up ANAL. Association (of) Noise Abatement (in) Lecrin. It will be part of ANAS. Association (of) Noise Abatement (in) Spain.

The new body is named after Ana. Im my mind her physical attributes lend themselves perfectly to the acronym. A young lady who, wherever she now lives, is not in need of a new body. And who probably, unlike me, enjoys bedtime.

I digress.

*Any guiri taking this article seriously and wishing to set up their own branch of ANAS need only change one letter to know where to locate their brain!

UNEMPLOYMENT ADDS TO SPANISH WOES

While the UK gets ever nearer to coming out of recession, Spain sinks even deeper into the economic mire. The country has the dubious honour of having almost as many unemployed citizens as countries such as Latvia and many more people out of work than the likes of Lithuania, Estonia, Ireland and the UK.

The latest unemployment numbers reflect the fourth consecutive month of increases with 60,593 joining the dole queues in November. There are now 3,868,946 people registered as unemployed in Spain. Yes, that's right, almost 4 million Spaniards walking around saying "Gizza job!"

And to think, there are still Brits thinking of moving to Spain and getting work here. I suggest they book themselves into a home for the mentally challenged or, alternatively, just stay at home. The skies may be darker, your fellow citizens may be rude but it's now cheaper to shop in supermarkets in the UK than those in Spain (and you get far greater choice). Petrol is effectively the same price, once allowing for the woeful exchange rate, and you have far more chance of getting a job there than you do here in Spain.

Spain put all its eggs in two baskets. Construction and tourism. Now both industries are on their knees. The situation in Spain is not helped by the pathetic leadership of Prime Minister Zapatero. Not only does he look like Mr. Bean; he's about as funny as him!

Zapatero said of the unemployment figures: "We cannot continue with a breach of unemployment which is so high".

That's sums up the cut of his jib. When he is not pandering to the separatists and ETA, he is making statements of the bleeding obvious.

Increases were seen in all sectors with most in the services sector, followed by construction, industry and agriculture. It rose in all areas of the country with the exception of Extremadura where a fall of 1,100 was recorded. Largest increases of 11,802 and 8,332 were seen in Cataluña and Valencia respectively.

Andalucia has the highest level of unemployment overall, and within Andalucia, the province of Granada the highest numbers out of work in all of Spain.

On Friday December 4th the Spanish government announced its plan to kick start the Spanish economy. I did chuckle at the plan to reduce bureaucracy. Anyone living in Spain knows just how this facet of Spanish life keeps this country in the dark ages. Read the government plan here http://bit.ly/8y0OJC

It took them a long time to get in this mess and, in my opinion, it will be a long time before Spain comes out of recession.

SPAIN PREFERS TRAIN TO PLANE

The new AVE train route between Barcelona and Madrid has been a roaring success. More passengers have made the journey by train than by plane for the first time.

Between July and September of 2009, 651,498 passengers made the 314-mile journey between the two largest cities in the country. That's a rise of 21 per cent compared with the same period in 2008.
In comparison, 643,512 travellers undertook the same journey by plane, a fall of 7.5 per cent compared with the third quarter of last year.
Madrid to Barcelona is the fifth busiest air route in the world, with four airlines offering 116 flights a day. Since the rail link opened last year, Renfe, the Spanish state rail operator, have challenged the airlines for supremacy. The high-speed train, which takes 2hr 40min to travel between Madrid and Barcelona, at 236.3 kilometres per hour (146.8mph), has won over commuters with competitive fares, greater comfort and the absence of time consuming airport security.

Renfe plans to extend the high speed train service throughout Spain. Vast improvements are planned that would see 'bullett' like high speed trains serve previously old fashioned services to major Spanish cities such as Granada.

HIGHER TAXES, HOLIDAYS & HORRIFIC HABITS (sorry, the traditional slaughter of pigs!)

Martin Bright of http://www.spaincostatropical.com/ offers an excellent update on all that is happening in Spain. He is not only an estate agent you can trust with your life savings; he is also a very good blogger. Today he reminds me that November brings with it one of the more barbaric rituals (of the many) that the Spanish undertake year on year. He spells out the planned various rises in taxes planned for 2010 by the lame socialist government of Spain. He also reminds all of us that most shops & businesses will be closed Monday for something else the Spanish lead the world in - holidays! The following words are his.

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With Sunday November 1st being All Saints day – then the holiday passes over to Monday the 2nd. Consequently many businesses and offices will be closed that day. In fact this is our second bank holiday weekend this autumn, and next month we have an even longer break pre-Christmas.

Last month the Spanish government proposed raising vat (iva) taxes from July 2010 to help raise income and recompense depleting coffers. In part due to increased unemployment, the ruling Socialist's are suggesting to raise taxes from 7% for property transmission to 8% (this tax band also includes foodstuffs, contact lenses & glasses, agricultural products, hairdressing, funeral services, motorway tolls, hotel & restaurant services, rubbish collection to name a few); and for the general rate of 16% to lift to 18%. The 4% rate will remain unchanged and applies to items such as basic foods (bread, eggs, milk, beans, etc), books, school materials and medicines. At the time of writing, the PP (the right) were voting against this action as well as the various that the socialists proposed for 2010 – claiming that this would force greater unemployment and extend the present recession.

Autumn has arrived, and even on the coast the more experienced residents and expats are in shorts. It is rumoured too that the Sierra Nevada ski resort could be open as early as mid-November, thanks in part to heavy rains in late October. Traditionally this month is the time when many mountain villagers and surrounding rural communities begin slaughtering their "home-grown" pigs. Getting ready for the winter, preparing dried hams and sausages, at a fiesta that is popularly known as la matanza (literally, the killing). Usually the events take place around the second weekend in November, and just after the feast day of San Martín de Tours. It is customary that once the animal has been killed in the early morning, then the men do the butchery while the women prepare stews and arrange various cuts for the barbecue, at the same time stuffing spiced sausages and making rich black puddings to last through the winter. If you are invited either this weekend or the next, then expect to be received with a large amount of food and copious amounts to drink.

Earlier this year Spanish unemployment was predicted to reach 25% by the end of the year, by the second quarter it had already gone to 20%. However third quarter figures just out showed a fall to 17% as the average – although regions such as Valencia and the Canaries were still affected by much higher unemployment. It will be interesting to see if this trend continues since usually in the final quarter there is a sharp rise in the figures as many summer seasonal and temporary workers along the Costas see their contracts terminated as the businesses close down during the winter.

GRANADA - AND ALL THAT JAZZ

It's the 30th annual Granada Jazz Festival. It begins on November 7th. Two weeks of some of the finest jazz performances, from some of the best musicians in the world, playing in many of the finest locations in all of Spain. Here in the great city of Granada. For all details (in Spanish) go to http://bit.ly/2y3WVd

LET IT SNOW - AGAIN!

For the second time in a month, snow has falling in the Sierra Nevada mountains. The first fall came on September 13th. Now, on October 21st, the white stuff is back. A promising sign for those who both run and visit the ski resort, which should open for business in November.